Moved by Love and Support

Photo by Gita Andreina

It has been a month now since I've started fund raising for my mission training in Atlanta, and though there has been some low points, I'm always incredibly uplifted when I see the love and support that I have received! I'm in awe by how some people have just stood beside me and prayed with and for me, also the people that have been sending in their financial support.

I can't even put into proper words how loved I feel. I find myself tearing up every time I find that someone has decided to send me money, or has just stated that they want to support me in any way. These people that I have done nothing for, that owe me nothing, have decided to be a part of the mission that I am going on and support me, it truly truly is heart warming to be standing in the middle of what feels like a storm of love and selfless giving. 

Last week our chruch's worship leader and his wife, whom have been a great blessing in my life through both example and encouragement, came to me saying that they wanted to show their support by helping me hold a bake sale! So on Saturday afternoon, I went over to their house with my KCCC disciple Reina, and we started on baking cookies. We spent the whole afternoon until early evening their having great fellowship and working on some peanut butter cookies and chocolate cookies. By the end of Saturday we had ourselves about 100 heart-stoppingly stunning cookies. Props to the lady of the house who did most of the work (Reina n I just rolled the cookies into balls). 

The next day, Sunday, I was invited to talk in front of our congregation and share my testimony and also share my mission plan to invite the congregation to be a part of the ministry both through prayer and through financial support. I talked and enjoyed myself (a little too much... a little too long...), and with fearless audacity(or chutzpah, some would call it) I shared all that I felt God wanted me to. 

After service we finally got out the cookies on a small table and opened a box of donations. Like all most sales that happen at our church it was not a marathon but a sprint! Within the first 15 minutes 75% of the cookies were gone, and the congregation was eager to stuff in donations into the donation box. Many of them came to me to tell me how encouraged they were by God's calling on my life, and that they will be praying for me. People who I thought didn't even know my name!

We managed to sell all but 6 cookies by the end of the day! If we had sold all the cookies according to the price we set, we were supposed to get 200.000won, but after counting it all up, we were able to get 278.000won! It was a beautiful thing to see the congregation come together in that way. 

My spirits have been lifted so much by the show of support this past week. Praise God. I know He will continue to work in this way. And I hope that we can continue to come together to support this mission!

Bumps on the Road

The past couple of weeks I've been reluctant to write on my progress preparing to go to ATL for the STINT mission. Mostly because I've been discouraged, I started doubting whether or not it was possible at all for me to make it to Atlanta, let alone start ministry. 

There were 3 major issues that I had to deal with. Support. Visa. Time. 

Even before I started all preparing for STINT, actually even when I hadn't decided whether or not I would sign up, these 3 things were always my biggest concern.

Visa. The USA is notorious for being very difficult to get into, usually by making it very complicated to get a visa. I was told that it would be more difficult for me to get a visa because I hold an Indonesian passport. Also because I am not being supported by my parents. All these things put together would make immigration officials assume I'm running to the US to become an illegal immigrant....

Time. I was blindsided a few weeks ago by the news that I had to be in Atlanta a month earlier than what we had planned. This means 1 less month of prep time, be it visa, funds, getting my school stuff wrapped up in Korea, and also this would mean I would not have a chance to say goodbye to a lot of friends that will be out of the country on vacation. 

Support. I have been incredibly discouraged by the lack of interest that I have been getting concerning this mission. I guess I was naive to think that every single person who heard about my plans would be moved to support, financially, or at least through prayer and encouragement. It was incredibly sad to see some people leaving behind the prayer cards I had given, as if they were just some trash. This opened my eyes so much to see that it was not on man that I had to rely on, but on God.

All these things put together have gotten me down the last few days, but after some words of wisdom from those around me, and a well needed Scripture wake up call, I'm finally feeling a lot better. How that came to be is a whole other post. 

God's Not Dead (Movie)

This past week for a Theology class that I have been taking, the professor got the class together to watch a movie titled "God's NOT Dead" directed by Harold Cronk. It is an independent Christian movie that came out early 2014. The story is based on the many disputes and lawsuits in US campuses concerning prosecutions towards Christians. 

The movie is mainly about a freshman, Josh Wheaton (Shane Harper), who enters an intro to philosophy class and finds that his professor, Jeremy Radisson (Kevin Sorbo),  requires everyone to make a written and signed statement saying "God is dead". Being a firm believer of Jesus Christ, Josh refuses to write such a statement. Professor Radisson then assigns him a task: if he won't sign the statement then he must prove God's existence through a series of arguments throughout the semester and engage in a head to head debate with the head strong professor of philosophy. The movie also revolves around a series of other characters that are intertwined with each other, each facing the struggles of their own faith. 

My take on this movie is that it was a slightly complicated movie because of the many characters and relationships, but at the same time it was able to deliver deep, beautiful, and meaningful message on the dynamics of accepting and  wrestling with our faith as well as standing proud and sharing what we believe about God. 

The central part of this movie is about Josh, who has a lot to lose by choosing to stand up in front of his philosophy class and defending what he believes according to the Christian faith. Everyone around him believes he is committing academic suicide by choosing to go against Professor Radisson. But as Josh puts it "Only a real risk can test the reality of a believe" (I believe this is a C.S. Lewis quote). 

I think most of us, as Christians, would like to believe that we when the opportunity presents itself to us, we would be able to stand of Jesus as Josh did. But for me personally, even though with all my heart I would want to, I just don't think I'd have the guts. I'm disappointed in myself that I can say that. 

I believe that it takes a certain character to do what Josh was able to do in this movie and it take a strong prayerful heart that asks God for to fill us up with the Holy Spirit to be able to stand up for him when the time comes for us to do so. 

This movie goes on to show how Josh presents his arguments concerning creation versus the big bang theory and evolution, as well as other topics that he brings up in order to present his case that "God's not dead". 

A large part of this movie talks about evolution and the big bang theory, and a one of my favourite lines in the movie is when Josh is presenting his case about the big bang and he quotes George Lemaitre: "the entire universe jumping into existence in a trillionth of a trillionth of a second, out of nothingness in an intense flash of light, is how he would expect the universe to respond if God were to actually utter the command like in Genesis 1:3, 'let there be light'". 

We are taken on a short journey of these characters lives as they interact with each other and the effect that they have on each other's spiritual life. People who have never heard of Christ coming to believe (Martin), people who are forced to hide their faith because of family and culture (Aisha), and those who must risk everything to stand up for what they believe and bring a smile to the their friend Jesus (Josh). 

Overall it was a beautiful film, light but warm and deep and the same time. I was blessed incredibly watching this film and going through the characters' lives with them. I highly recommend watching this movie no matter where you stand on your faith. Go into it with an open mind and a ready heart and I think we can all take a little out of the stories that this movie contains. 

The Ups and Downs

This past weekend I traveled up to Seoul for the very first STINT meeting. Around 90 young people that are preparing to go to all over the world to fulfil the Great Commission gathered in the CCC headquarters. 

We weren't told much about what we would be doing there, we were only told to bring some required paper work and to prepare our hearts. So basically we were going in blind. 

I took a bus from Busan at 1AM and arrived in Seoul at about 5AM in the morning. It was a comfortable bus ride, but with all the excitement and anxiety I couldn't get much sleep. I had high expectations that the staff at the KCCC headquarters would be answering a lot of the confusion I had about the logistics of this whole missions. Little did I know that as those questions were answered I would only be left with a lot more confusion. 

It was about 8.30AM when I arrived at HQ and we were served a simple breakfast of onigiri, I ate and hurried to the conference hall. I registered quickly and found a seat with another girl from our school that is planning to got Singapore. 

I was thankful that the first thing that we did as the day started was have a worship session, followed by a preaching on what it meant to have a heart of service and a passion for mission, and then had a short prayer session. At that moment I couldn't have been more thankful that I was a part of KCCC.

Then it was time to get down to the nitty gritty. Staff members and speakers came to take the podium one at a time to talk about everything from visa preparation, scheduling, insurance, and even how to talk to potential sponsors. All of this was done to prepare us for the next few months of getting ourselves together for the mission.

With every new speaker that came on to the stage, I grew a little more encouraged and a little more worried at the same time. Encouraged because each speaker gave us a little more clarity on what we needed to prepare, thus I didn't feel like I was so in the dark on how to move forward. At the same time every speaker (yes, EVERY speaker) revealed to us a different fee that we had to pay for all the different processes that we have to go through, and none of them were very small.

I found myself worrying more and more about money - one of the worst things in the world to be worried about. But as the staff members were telling us about all of this, they never forgot to remind us how God will be the one to provide for us, and that it wasn't in our hands it was in His. 

I believe the staff members were also aware of how worried we all got as we drew up plans in our heads about how to get all the funding together, because at the end one of the staff members reminded us of 2 crucial things:

He will finish what He started. If God has truly brought me down this road, He will be the one to provide for it all. I can only do what I can do, and trust that He is the one who will push it all along. 

Not mine, but Your will be done. But, I must also hold near that it isn't what I want that will pan out, it is what He has already planned. He is going to do something with my life, and I am only coming along with Him. 

Tired of being Tired

Photo by KangHoon Lee

                       
A few days ago one of my friends on Facebook wrote a post saying "Tired of constantly being tired". Don't we all get that feeling sometimes. When we feel like we are drowning in our business. 

The past few weeks I have been drowning in what seems like endless work, and no time at all. I find myself thinking "how could God have made only 24 hours in 1 day." Between homework, midterms, work, and ministry I barely have time for basic needs like eating and sleeping. 

A picture has been floating around the internet lately that basically says: as a college student you have 3 things to try to fulfill. Those are good grades, a social life, and sleep. The catch? Choose 2. As a freshman and a sophomore I thought that picture was so true and related to me perfectly! Now... Not much. Now it's more like: school, work, friends, family, church, extraculicular activities, study, relationship, personal grooming, volunteering, building a good resume. The catch? Try for all of it... and phisically and mentaly break down.

I've accepted that being tired is a part of our lives, but I've learned that being tired is not our natural default and that we need to do everything we can to lessen the burden on ourselves as much as possible.

Photo by Citta Ananda Lestari

A sound mind dwells in a healthy body. I've learnt first hand that having a healthy body (helps) keep me sane! I am able to concentrate more, get more work done and sleep better during the nights when I am living a healthier lifestyle. And it only takes (and yes, I know this may be hard for some) cutting out unnecessary food out of my diet (like soda, chips, and all their friends), and exercising for just about 30 minutes to an hour a day (I usually jog). 

A healthier sleeping habit. One of the things that has helped me the most is keeping a regular sleeping habit. Going to sleep and waking up at the same time everyday, and this does mean not sleeping in on weekends. Your body gets used to the schedule, and you don't get tired as easily because your body knows when to expect sleep. Sleeping 8 hours is just not possible with all the things that I need to get done, but by sleeping on a schedule my body is perfectly fine with 4-5 hours of sleep. (I dunno tho.. it might catch up to me one day)

Learning to give up and let go. I've had to learn that failures do happen. In my work, in myself, and in personal relationships. On top of that, new challenges and opportunities always come around, so I have learnt that some things are not worth fighting for, and there's no point in regretting or suffering over something that has past. It's all about prioritising and putting your energy into what's most important. I've had to learn to stop myself from stressing over relationships that can't be maintained and just let some people go.

Focus more on the accomplishments. I've found that when I purposely look at what I have accomplished (and have a mini celebration in my head) I feel less tired and stressed. I think it's because I feel that all the hard work was worth it. Even something as simple as this blog, every time I get a post up, I give myself a subtle pat on the back and let myself celebrate this little accomplishment. Sure, I still feel tired, but it's worth it. 

Being tired is something we all feel at some point, but I've decided that for me I'm going to try my best to keep myself from getting worn out both physically and mentally. 

What We Learn From Roller Coasters

On Tuesday, a couple of friends and I were given the opportunity to travel to and enjoy and amusement park out of town for free. We went to 경주월드 (GyeongJu World) which is a small amusement park in the historical city of GyeongJu in South Korea. There, we hiked up to see a temple on a hill, had lunch, and the best part of all we got on a lot of pretty fun rides. 

One of the rides (which was terrifying btw) was a huge roller coaster that seats about 24 people. It was one of those roller coasters that you're hanging in your seat rather than a cart, meaning your legs are dangling and swaying in the air. 

I'm not a big fan of roller coasters. I usually tell people it's cause I hate waiting an hour for a 2 minute ride, but actually, I hate that tingling feeling you get at the drops, I hate the excruciating wait as the roller coaster creeps to the top, and I hate the sudden turns that fling you in your seat. But, I always get on them anyway, and I always, ALWAYS, thoroughly enjoy myself. 

These are the things that I have learnt from being hung and flung around on a roller coaster. 

Deciding to get on can be just as exciting or as scary as when you're already flying through the air. I sike myself out, I think about how horrible it MIGHT be, and end up not getting on a lot. Its like that with a lot of things in my life, just before venturing out into a new opportunity, I think about the things that can go wrong and all the different ways I'm not going to like it. Being realistic and making smart decisions is good, scaring yourself into not taking risks is not. 

Ups. Downs. Sudden turns. This is the one we've all heard a thousand times "life is like a roller coaster there ups and downs." But it's different in the sense that the downs aren't always bad, and the ups aren't necessarily good. Just like riding a roller coaster life is about how we go through it, are we willing to accept that we are already on this ride? Can we embrace the excitement as well as the anxiety? Can we try to enjoy the tingling feeling even if it sometimes makes you wanna throw up? And can we open our eyes to take in everything before realising that it all ends way too fast?

We're being thrown around and this could end horribly, but we trust the thing that is securing us. What makes a roller coaster intriguing is probably the though that goes "falling like this should kill me, but it won't!" It's because we trust in the roller coaster and that everything will work perfectly, even when we don't exactly understand how it works. I hope you know where I'm going with this. Just as I trust in the roller coaster, I trust in God. Life does an amazing job of throwing us around and making us feel like we're going to die. Putting our faith in God, especially when we're out of both energy and control, is maybe one of the most refreshing things that a person could feel. Sometimes trusting that He will keep us safe is the only thing that will keep us sane. 

Thinking back, a roller coaster ride is like a good portion of all the emotions you feel in your life squished in together in a 3 minute ride. How much you enjoy will depend on how much you trust everything will be okay in the end. 

And The Journey Begins

Yesterday, I officially got news that I had passed the STINT interview!!! WOOHOOOOO! It's amazing how things are moving so fast and how things suddenly seem so real. I sometimes have to stop and catch my breath, thinking "this might really be happening... wait... this actually is happening"

I was so worried about the STINT interview. I felt like I made a good impression, but I was so worried about getting all the "correct" answers that I might have come off as stiff in my answers. Whenever people asked me how I did in the interviews I would just answer them "I did my best", and I think everyone understood that I wasn't too sure of myself - luckily I have awesome friends that just let it go -

But besides how I felt it went, they passed me. 

The announcements were supposed to come out on the 25th of October, but they had to postpone the announcement until the 27th. Even on the 27th I waited and no text came. No answer telling me whether or not I got in or not into the STINT program. 

Early morning the next day though, I was suddenly flooded with congratulatory texts from CCC members. People were congratulating me on being accepted for STINT, but I myself had not heard the news first hand from any of the CCC staff. 

It turns out that the announcements had been posted on the KCCC website instead of being sent to us individually. So lesson learnt: CHECK THE WEBSITE.

A day after that a CCC staff contacted me, congratulated me, and then got into detail how the journey was now really starting. The preparations for STINT will start immediately and next week I will have to go to Seoul for meeting with the other STINTers. 

So, to end: YEAAAAY

God has really opened the doors to this, I'm just seeing more and more how He is able to make anything happen if we pray and let Him. 

Having Super Friends

The people we encounter each and everyday have a different standing in our lives and how they affect us. Most of the people we bump shoulders with will have no real lasting influence on us, but others will be etched into our minds and hearts. 

If we're very lucky, as we go through life, we will bump into people who will become our treasured friends. Although the word "friend" is a word we throw around like it means everything and nothing all at the same time, I've always this little poem sums up what a friend truly means beautifully:

A friend is someone we turn to

when our spirits need a lift.

A friend is someone we treasure,

for a friend is a gift.

A friend is someone who fills our lives

with beauty, joy and grace.

A friend makes the world we live in,

a better and happier place. 

I have a set of super friends, they put up with me, they love me, and they help me grow. As we all step out into the world, we might not be right by each other's side, but I the friends that are truly yours will be there for you none the less. 

Moving from country to country my whole life I've had the privilege of meeting some amazing people, but sadly I've had to say goodbye to a lot of them as well. But I can testify that distance can't really stop you from keeping amazing friends. 

But really what do I think about my friendships... I actually had to sit down and introspect on this one. 

Friends influence me in more ways than I would like to admit. They have basically shaped me into who I am today. Friends are a big part of my big life decisions, they help me realise my sense of self, and the direction that my life is going. 

Having friends gave me more friends. It's probably because people tend to be friendlier to someone when they have a mutual friend, but also I have been lucky enough to have friends that like to introduce me to their friends. Oh joy~ the fun just never ends. 

Friends that support me through thick and thin. They were there for me through all I was was going through, and even if they found my endless problems and troubles a downer for them, they never really showed it. I pray that I can as much of a friend to them as they were to me. 

They give me a reality check. Who but them is going to tell me that my shirt doesn't match my personality? Who else is going to tell me that a boy is going to break my heart even though I'm as happy as clam? Who else is going to stop me from my 15th can of Coca-Cola?

u don't always have to be this...

...being this is much easier on ur face"

Friendship works in 2 directions. Not only do I benefit from them, for me to be a friend helps them as well. When I become aware of how I influence them it makes me want to be closer to them.

I'm so so thankful that I have super friends!

the Short Term INTernation mission

The reason I started this blog is actually to promote awareness for the STINT program. But I realise that not many people know exactly what the STINT program is. 

STINT stands for Short Term INTernational. It is a program that is done by KCCC, and also by cru. The STINT program aims to grow young people through hands on mission in their respective mission fields. KCCC STINT is a full-time mission and mission training program that now has over 200 young missionaries serving in 13 countries and 30 districts. The main purpose of the STINT program is to fulfil the great commission. 

What will happen in the year that a "STINTer" is out on the mission field? He/she will primarily be helping out and working with the local on campus ministries. STINTers will be working closely together with the local CCC and experiencing what it means to be a Christian, to be a student, and missionary there. 

On Facing Fears

                     Photo by Gita Andreaina

I've sung on that stage a hundred times before, but for me to be up there alone, the stage looked so big and everyone seemed so far. 

When suddenly asked to sing a solo on stage, most people would get stage fright. But me? no... I get lonely.

A big fear that I have had to face my whole life is the fear of being alone. It's quiet an irrational fear considering I live in a dorm with great friends, I have an amazing CCC family, and a loving church community. But that's the thing about fear isn't it. Your mind makes up much more than what is likely going to happen.

I have said many times that the thing I love most in the world is people. As you can probably imagine I am an extreme extrovert, sometimes almost to a fault. I get incredibly lonely and I wonder why people are leaving me. Recently I've been feeling worse about it as I have had to say goodbye to some people that were a big part of my life. 

Getting up on stage in front of a hundred people is easy to me, stepping into my room and knowing that there isn't anyone inside... now that's scary. 

We all have fears don't we, and at some point in our lives we all have to face them. Sometimes God brings us to a situation where we are forced to face those fears, but sometimes we have to decide that our fears aren't going to rule us. 

For me, this meant that I had to learn to enjoy my own company, to not depend on other people's support, to self soothe. Like facing any fear, it's difficult. Actively deciding to not Skype, text, or go on Facebook and fully embrace being alone and telling myself that that's okay. 

I have ways to go, and I do chicken out sometimes, needing to find someone to be with. But I've decided to be kind to myself. I'll do all I can, and push just a little more. Who knows maybe one day I'll actually be able to enjoy a solitary walk on the beach. 

CCC? KC3? STINT? Cru? What??

                                Photo by Minwook Ha


It has come to my attention that a lot of people actually don't know many of the terms that I have been using throughout my previous blog posts. I get it, it can seem a bit confusing that there are so many acronyms. 

So, I've come to clear things up and explain to the best of my abilities (with the help of the cru website) what all of these terms mean. 

1. CCC: Campus Crusade for Christ is an evangelical Christian organisation that does its ministry mainly in universities. CCC was founded in 1951, by Bill Bright in UCLA, and has since become an international organisation that is active in around 1.740 campuses in 191 countries around the world. In 2011 CCC officially changed their name to Cru. I personally am a member of the KyungSung University CCC here in Busan, South Korea.
2. KC3: Korean Campus Crusade for Christ is a subbranch of Cru that caters mostly (but not strictly) to Korean students living in Korea and in the USA. 
3. SJ: SunJang (순장), which refers to a disciple maker. In this sense meaning a student who is a part of CCC who is a spiritual mentor to 1 or more disciples. 
4. SW: SunWon (순원) a spiritual disciple. 
5. STINT: stands for Short Term INTernational. Refers to an international missions training that is sanctioned by CCC. I am planning to go to STINT Atlanta, meaning that through CCC I am going to be going to ATL to do mission work and undergo missions training. (but more on that in a later post)

Because I am now studying in Korea and am enrolled in CCC in a Korean University, a lot of the terms that are used are from Korean words. Those were the 5 words that will probably pop up a lot on this blog. So, I hope that has cleared the air a little. 

A Spark for Atlanta

                                                                                                              Photo by Minwook Ha     

At the end of July Korean Campus Crusade for Christ held it’s annual Summer Conference. I have to say that after dealing with some hardships at the start of the year, I was not too excited for the 2014 KConference. But appropriately, the theme of this year's Summer Conference was "RESET in Christ".

But on the 3^rd day of the conference, my spiritual disciple, Reina, and I decided to visit several booths that were promoting international missions and inviting young people to step out of their comfort zone and serve Christ in places that truly needed them.  And that was when I saw it, a humble yet bright booth with bold (Korean) letters saying USA ATLANTA. 

The booth looked exactly the same as the booth next to it, and the one next to that. But what made it stand out was the “energetic” group of young people singing and shouting what seemed to be gibberish made up of random Korean and English words (and I speak both!!). 

I had visited their booth last year and had a met a number of the students and even kept in touch with some of them. Of course there were more faces that I didn’t recognize than the ones I did, but seeing the word ATLANTA sparked a kind of long lost dream, because a year ago, I had wanted so badly to apply for missions training in Atlanta. 

I was still a couple of booths away from the Atlanta booth when Reina suddenly laughed and said, “Can you believe that guy is holding a FREE HUG poster?” as she pointed to a young man in front of the Atlanta booth. He seemed to be going up to random Koreans and showing them his sign, offering free hugs. I was silent for a few seconds, then quietly said “uhm… I know that guy.” “What?”

I explained that I had met him at the last Summer Conference, but I didn’t want to say hello because I didn’t think he remembered me. In the end, we did end up going up to the ATL booth and talking with a number of students that were standing at the booth. After taking with several students, I was glad to find that FREE HUG did remember me, and upon seeing me, he indeed gave me a friendly… free hug. 

We talked quiet a bit that day, and he told me about the ministry that they were doing in Atlanta. I thought that all they were doing was great and all, but what really struck me was when he said “The harvest is plenty, but the harvesters are few.” Somehow those words made so much sense to me. 

I had been looking for a place where I could work for God and glorify His Kingdom, as well as a fresh start to rebuild my relationship with Jesus. This was it.

A million things raced through my mind as I lay down to sleep that night. But 2 things shouted the loudest: God and Atlanta. And a clear thought consumed me, “neither need me, both want me.” That night I decided without a sliver of a doubt, that if they would have me, I would give all I have to glorify God’s name in Atlanta. 

The last few days of the conference was like a beautiful waterfall of blessings, it was like something had been switched on inside me, or maybe all the hurt had been switched off. I suddenly had a purpose, I suddenly understood that the only thing that means anything to me is working for God. It was like someone came and pushed the RESET button.

Starting a Journey West

                                                                                                                       Photo by Minwook Ha

As I’m now officially starting the preparations to go for STINT Atlanta, I’ve decided to also start this blog to document my journey all the way there. 

So far it has been an incredibly exciting and blessed journey, and now that the interview phase is over. I am now waiting for the verdict of whether or not I am actually accepted into the program or not. 

The desire to go to Atlanta for mission training actually entered my mind the first time last year at the 2013 CCC Summer Conference, but at that time it was nothing but a far of dream, something I pushed back as an “impossibility”. 

But the 2014 CCC Summer Conference caught me at a completely different state of heart, and I found that “impossibility” quickly turned to “Yes! I want to! Yes! I can! Yes! I will!”

So, here I am.

I’m writing this blog as both a way to document my journey, but also to ask for the support of everyone who runs into this blog. No prayer is to small, no uplifting words are too small, no amount of money is to small. 

I have to say, I’m very excited.